Wednesday, October 20, 2010


My faithful friend and reader, Perry, noticed that it's been a while since I have posted anything. Sounds kind of like me. I start most things with passion and then it wanes, and I find other things that are more captivating.

That's not possible with this blog. I need this blog. I need to write. And to do that, I needed a bit of a hand.

Note: I write that not to make an environmental statement - it's more of a statement of the way I was feeling in life!  I was the orangutan, needing someone to give me a lift!

One of the reasons I have been so silent is that I have felt unworthy to actually say anything. This last few months have been a tough - not in terms of anything bad happening to me, but in working out some issues within my own heart - mostly relating to my faith. I've been struggling to understand where I fit in a world that doesn't think that faith matters anymore, and to understand whether I think that faith matters.

So, how does a church-raised Christian girl become a mixed-up child? She stops thinking about what really matters to her. She stops caring about the things that Jesus cares about, and putting more stock in her own wisdom than that of anyone else. She takes her eyes off of the prize, and focuses only on the few inches in front of her feet. She stops using her gifts to encourage others, and she stops speaking words that will bring life to those around her. She just seems to be drifting along, with nothing to give her any kind of inspiration, or any kind of hope.

Thankfully, she also has someone in her life that will speak the truth to her. And that's where the transformations come. I am that girl, and my mom was that person. She's always been my encourager, but this last couple of weeks, she's been a huge part of my life changing. She was my hand.

My life is changed.

I know that the whole idea of being born again, in most people's opinions, is somewhat hokey. Maybe even a little bit creepy. But, there's also something totally spectacular about it. When I knew that something was missing and I was aching to change; when I was longing to be something more than I was, and to break free from the negative, frustrated, and unkind ways that had become my life, hearing that re-birth is possible was the healing that my soul needed. And I found it here:

"And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their hearts of stone, and give them tender hearts instead" (Ezekiel 11:19).

Don't worry if it doesn't say anything to doesn't have to. All I know is that these words changed my life and my gratitude to the one who spoke them to me is beyond words.

I knew that my heart was stone. I knew that I needed a new spirit. I knew that I wanted tenderness. And He gave it to me.

I'm not perfect, and I'm sure that anyone who knows me will want to wait and see. I don't blame you! All I know is that I was changed, and that my heart is no longer stone. The very best of me is being developed through a relationship that I've just rediscovered.  And if you think that God means nothing nowadays, I don't blame you - He's sure been taken out of everything in our everyday lives.

But He means something to me, and if you're interested in knowing what, please ask!

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